I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
