tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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