dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
