So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
