My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
