sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
