I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
