quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
