oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
