Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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