his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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