I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
