i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
