I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
be right there i have to get my cape
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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