can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
