I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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