Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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