Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
