while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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