Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
