wrigley field is MILF paradise
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
