i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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