these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
