GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Sext me about skeletons
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
