im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
