Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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