Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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