Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(517): View more from Michigan

dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..

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(707): View more from California

You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty

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(914): View more from New York

I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already

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(907): View more from Alaska

started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.

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(905): View more from Ontario

I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again

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(270): View more from Kentucky

Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.

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(850): View more from Florida

He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed

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(662): View more from Mississippi

so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."

(901): View more from Tennessee

Look upon your future, America, and despair.

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