I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
