Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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