Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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