Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
