8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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