this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
