Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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