I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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