Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize