It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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