Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
