Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
