My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
