I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
