last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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