That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
