Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
