Only a mothe r could love this liver
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
