Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
