I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
