please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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