maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
