Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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