She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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