News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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