I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
