You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
