apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
