YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
