party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
