I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We talked him into tasing himself.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
