I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
