would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
