Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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