I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize