someone owes me an orgasm
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
