it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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