Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
