Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
