i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
