the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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