i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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