I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
