Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
