i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
